My Dream Job

Every time someone asks me what I want to do as a career, they always laugh at my answer. Not a laugh like, "You're stupid" kind of laugh, but a "Wow" kind of laugh. I dont know whats so funny! My dream job is to work for DISNEY! To me, that seems like it would be the best job ever. I mean, it;s one of the biggest and most profitable companies in the whole entire world. Who wouldn't want to work for them?! That job would be amazing for me. Im usually a happy person and Im sure I would enjoy my job. My brother told me, "Make sure that whatever you choose to do, you would do it for free." I would definitely work for disney for free. Dont get me wrong. Im not here going to college to put on a Tigger costume and prance around Walt Disney World Resort. I want to be behind the scenes. Working for the business side of Disney. My major is markewting management. think about all the the cartoon stuff by Disney. Think about how often you see it. Think about where you see it. Its EVERYWHERE! Who do you think gets that stuff out there!!!! I think I would have the best freakin job in the world! Dont get me wrong, i dont think Im gooing to be playing around and goofing off all day, but I know I would kove my job. Who doesnt love DISNEY!!! And I like the competitive side of markeeting. It would be like a DISNEY VS NICKELODEON war. ok, Im goofy. but you have to admit, that's funny. I plan to go to Florida to participate in the Disney College Program. i would have done it in the spring, but i wanted to finish my freshman year here. Gert into the "groove" of college before i just suddenly leave. I have it all planned out. I'm going to get my dream job by any means necessary! Think about Wayne Brady. He started out as Goofy walking aroungd the theme park(yes, I've done research. Well, actually he was interviewed on the Tyra Show but still!) Look at him now! He's like, in every show and on every channel! Disney is the greatest thing since sliced bread! Like, I dont even know which came first!!! Tehehe

*FeArS*

I was looking at the weather forcast online the other day because the weather has been so retarded I have to check ever night to know what to wear in the morning, and I saw a story about a man who died from falling down an elevator shaft. That terrified me! Like, no really it did. For some reason, I have this crazy idea that one day I'm either going to A. get stuck on the elevator or even worse B. have it crash down to the bottom while I'm on it! That may seem crazy and wierd and all that stuff but I am SO serious. And it made me think about all of the other things I'm afraid of. All of the concrete things are obvious: SPIDERS, rats & mice, snakes(well, not really unless they're coming after me or something), and serial killers and rapists and all that good stuff. But that's normal stuff for girls to be afraid of. So I'm going to talk about the things I'm afraid of the most. Thunderstorms, darkness, and failure.





Thunderstorms


It seems so juvenile for a college student to be afraid of thunderstorms but I truly am scared! Go ahead and laugh! It's sad, I know! But something about the combination of lightening, thunder, and the possibility of tornadoes freaks me out. I just sit in one room and look at tv, flipping channels between a sitcom and the news until its over. I really do believe something happened in my shildhood that has me this way. Probably a book I read or a movie I watched or something. Seriously.





Darkness


Yes, Im afraid of the dark. Not the " you turn off the lights and I scream" kind of scared. But I can't walk into dark rooms. I cant get out of bed at night unless i turn on a light. I can't walk around a dark house. It freaks me out. I think someone waiting one me or something. I'm strange like that. For some reason, a lot of people think this is strange. I disagree.



Failure



This isn't like the other two. This is like, the most important of all. The one thing that motivates me in school and basically everything else I do id my fear of failing in...basically, life. I dont want to be a college dropout who can't get a job. I consider that failure. I dont like failing tests. Or classes period. i feel like its all going to lead up to me failing in life. I haven't the slightest idea where that came from, but it sort of...developed the past few years. I've never had this fear before until then. I just make sure i try really hard in school to make sure this doean't happen. I want to get a good job and all that good stuff.

THE RAKE: Scenes- Throwing the rake at his sister

I think the scene when he threw the rake and hit his sister was one of the most important scenes in the story. the brother, obviously did not have intentions on hurting his sister, but it was done out of frustration. I feel like the sister knew this because she did not tell on her brother. They both remained silent and knew he was sorry. The thing I noticed most from this was the brother-sister relationship because my brother and I are very close. The brother and sister in the story were both in the abusive situation so they were more than likely understanding of each others feelings.m i do not think the brother actually thought about throwing the rake and hurting her before he did it, but many times in life, your feelings get the best of you. You do things before you can even realize you've done them. By that time, it is too late, and the damage has already been done. The only thing you can do apologize and mean it.

My brother and I have done evil things to each other MANY times, but we still remain very close. When we were small, we woiuld always get into trouble together, nut when my mom asked, he would always sayu it was just him; he would never tell on me. Yet, when she asked me, I would never tell on myself! i always put the blame on him. And it has, been that way ever since. he has me spoiled rotten and I will tell him things I dont even tell my mom. As a matter of fact, we have SO many inside things between us, my mom gets mad because we don't tell her. She once said, "Man, yall ALWAYS keep stuff from me. Yall have done that since yall were little!" and put her sad face on. We just laughed at her. Its only my brother and I and i'm glad. I feel like I always have someone there to protect me and a best friend to talk to. I also remember how when we were younger, he beat up guys that picked on me! Now that I think about it, its kind of funny. But my mom has always told him, "never let anyone pick on your sister. Yall gotta stick together". And that's exactly what we do. I didnt let the stupid girls my brother dated talk bad about him when they felt like he messed up. " Accept the fact that he doesn't like you!" that was my motto. he's also the reason I like football and video games!

THE RAKE: What is it about?- Perception

I think that perception has a lpt to do with the essay. The author viewed things differently now that he is an adult than when he was a child. For example, he saw his mother and sister get abused as a child, but did not attribute this abuse to his grandfather abusing his mother until later on in his life. Also, as a child, he stated that they would laugh at the "car joke" when his parents polayed it with him. As an adult, this is recognizable as a sign of abuse.

When one grows up from a child to an adult, perception changes. One begins to see that things are not wheat they seemed as a child, and one begins to notice things not noticed before. i have noticed that as I get older, I begin to look for the meaning behind certain things more and question why certain things happen. I did not do this as a child. i have also learned to appreciate many simple things in life more, than when I did when I was younger. In the story, the author says how, as a child, his home and nature could have been beautiful, but it was not. His perception changed as he grew from a child to a man. He notices how he could have enjoyed the cornfields and the "pleasures" that were present, but he did not, because of the situation he was in.

I notice some things I think differently about as well. It's obvious i'm not as old as the author, but I can recognize a few differences. As a child, I thought the world was perfect. Even though my mother warned me to stay away from strangers and all of the other pre-school warnings, I never had to deal with any crime. no one ever tried to snatch me, lure me with candy, or ask me have I seen their lost puppy dog. I was not aware of bad things that happened. My attention was kept by the good things.

I also thought my mom was perfect. LIE!!!!! Well, she's not bad or anything, but she makes her mistakes like any other human being. I thought she knew the answer to every question. She doesn't. I thought she didn't cry. She does. I also thought her name was "mama". Its Sharon, believe it or not! I had this same opinion about the friends I had. Everyone was my best friend, bad things would never ever happen, and we would stay friends for ever and ever. I dont even know where those people are.

THE RAKE: Concrete object- cornfield

When I read the part of the children walking past the cornfield with the developing homes on one side and the cornfield on the other, it made me think of isolation, Their homw was isolated because it was a "model home" in an area all by itself, while the others were being built. the school was isolated-- it was being built in the middle of nowhere a mile away from their home. The children were also isolated bacause they suffered abuse and there was no one there to help them.

Cornfields can also seem kind of eerie. It reminds me of a horror movie. In the scenes, there is always someone running through a cornfield being by chased by someone or something out to harm them. The cornfield sort of represents this same theory. The eerie feeling comes in because the parents do not have the children's best interest at heart and put them through constant abuse, therefore being the person chasing them. Yet they can not get away. They have no where to go. Isolation.

The cornfield represented isolation to me because I was able to relate it to something else. Being alone and having nowhere to go. A cornfield is viewed as big empty space. That's how people feel when they are alone. They are in a space all by themselves and have no where to turn to. Cornfields are also sometimes turned in to mazes. I sometimes feel this way when people do not understand me and I feel as if I have nowhere else to turn to. I never associated this to a cronfield until I read this story.

In Response to the comments...

O.k. people..... In response to the comments on my blog, I appreciated them. all of them. but I don't think everyone understood what I was trying to say. I do not expect everyone to feel the same about the death of someone they dont know. No I did not expect everyone to break down and cry. No i dont expect yall to be as angry and/ or upset as others. I cried in class because I was angry to hear such harsh opinions about such a tragic subject. I did not know Taylor as well as many others. i had just met him when I came to school. But I would NEVER say those things about someone who dies. If it was someeone close to yall, no I probably would not cry, but I would NOT say to you, "it doesnt matter to me". Death always matters. And when it happens to a fellow classmate, it matters because it was close to you. We are all apart of one school. So dont think I was crying because no one was crying with me. I didnt expect you to. When I heard about it, i didnt cry. That was my first time. It was just very upsetting to see that people actually have such cold hearts. My sympathy goes to ANY and EVERY one who has to experience a death. It's called compassion. So instead of saying it doesnt affect you, how about saying, It was a sad experience. I would give you the same respect.

Hashish......

Strangely enough I understood this article better than the other one. I had to look up the word Hashish first though. I found it was:
"Hashish (more commonly called hash) is a potent form of cannabis produced by collecting and processing the most potent material that female marijuana plants naturally generate as part of their growth cycle. "
www.a1b2c3.com/drugs/hash013 (yeah i had to look it up! So!)

So basically, the dude was high?! Is that what this was about?! It was interesting to read about his appetite too. Reminds me of some people I know! But the end was extremely interesting, yet somewhat puzzling. He compared hash to being in love. I understood some of it. The comparison of both things as a "power". They both posess the ability to have control of a person and opens that persons eyes to new things. They also can change a persons thinking, and perspective. So that was a very valid point. I would have never thought to compare these two things. he also related both things to nature. Hash is naturally from the earth. It is a part of nature. So is love. It is something that no one can control. It just happens.

He lso said how when we are in love, our existence slips. I guess in a way, i can easilty see how this is true. People can so easily get caught up in love, and it can end up to them being in a distorted world--and everything is connected to the person they are in love with. He desribes how we get caught up in this exixtence and everything seems so perfect. Then we are flung into existence without warnig. that piece of shit boyfriend proves what he is, or that girl turned out to be a slut after all. either way, its over. We are back in the real world. He compared that to coming off of his high I guess. THAT'S FUNNY! And its true i guess. I've never been high before, but I know people who have and they always complain about people messing up their high. So i guess it feels the same. You're on cloud nine, then you plummet back to earth. Ouch!

Street Haunting??

Ok.......so....um....yeah--that was rather...pointless maybe?? I was lost throughout the ENTIRE essay(well except for when I got the end) So I will really try to tell what I got from it.

The only part of it that I understood was at the end when it says,"to escape is the greatest of pleasure". That is actually true. It's always nice to escape every once in a while. I really appreciate the time I get to spend away from the busy things that go on throughout the day. and in the essay I guess this is what he was refering to when he uses the term "Street Haunting". But.....What was it about? Like, was the author trying to explain how people need to take time out sometimes to "step outside of ourselves". By this I mean, taking time away from our typical busy schedules of school, work, practice, social life, etc. to take a good look in on ourselves. If you are caught up in the actions of what you are doing on a day to day basis, it's clear to see how you could not see when you are stuck living in a really busy state of mind, rather than enjoying life.

A major thing the author focused on in the essay was the pencil. I do not think I really understood the full concept of this, other than he said it was used to give him an excuse to go out into the world.

But one scene stood out in particular to me. It was the scene when the dwarf tried on all the shoes and then went back out into the street and everyone joined in "the hobble and tap of the dwarf's dance." This scene was very random( like all the others if I may add) but for some reason, it was my favorite. It kind of reminded me of a circus. All of the people the author described for some reason described the characters in a freak circus. The two bearded men resting their head on a small boy was too close to "the bearded lady", or the really "tall man" in a circus. Using the little boy as his crutch I guess. Then the stout lady swathed tight in seal skin reminded me of the seal with the beach ball on top of his nose. There was also the old man on the doorstep seemed like the typical really old person in a freak circus.

But what does all this really mean???

"The Walk" Essay~Revised

As I walk, find myself stopping around the scent of coffee. For some reason, it makes me …..”comfortable”. I look outside, and I see a dark, gloomy place. Yet, I am inside in my bright, warm environment. I am not a fan of the rain at all, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. For some reason it puts me in a sad, depressing mood. The skies are dark, and therefore makes me feel dark inside.

I can compare this to where I am in my life right now. I am in my warm comfort zone. I am pursuing my education, having the time of my life. I can honestly say I am proud of myself for making in to college with good grades and happy that I decided to come to the University of Memphis. I realize more and more every day how much I have to be thankful for. I have met wonderful people and eagerly embracing new experiences. Sitting here reminds me of the times spent with my friends in high school. We were all very close and I really miss them. They all went to University of Tennessee at Chattanooga I absolutely refuse to go there, but I am glad to know that they are doing well.

Outside of where I am right now, is the “real world”. A shadowy place that I am happy I am not in right now. If I was not in school, that is where I feel like I would be. I would have to get a real job and deal with real world issues. If I was not in school, this is where I feel like I would be right now. Just in a dim world not knowing what to do or where to go. So for right now, I am happy where I am. Sitting on a bench at school. Surrounded by fellow students, faculty, and the scent of coffee. Periodically I glance outside and smile. I know there are some people my age out there, but I’m glad I’m not one of them.

~A Reflection~

This tragic experience with Taylor Bradford was a real eye opener. It really made me realize how short life can be, and how wretchedly it can be taken away. This was a terrible event that happened here at the University of Memphis and from it I have taken a greater appreciation for life and what it is worth. We should all be grateful for the people who touch our lives on a daily basis, no matter how big or small the scale. This young man, like many other young people whose lives are tragically cut short, did not deserve such a terrible thing to happen to him. I also pray that at some point in his life, he was able to see how many people loved him and the number of lives he affected.

Although I am a freshman, and therefore did not get the pleasure of knowing Taylor on a personal level, I could honestly feel the effect of this event. He and my brother were friends on Samford University’s football team before he transferred here to the University of Memphis. He was also close to the friends I had here before I came. So being a witness to their pain touched me also. It is a very painful thing to watch people grieve.

Not only is the fact that a fellow student is gone a sorrowful reality, but the way his life was taken is equally devastating. Good people do not deserve to die so horribly. The amount of crime in this city has put Memphis in a desperate state. A state that begs for immediate attention. Drastic measures need to be taken to prevent senseless events from happening. It is really sad when people begin to become immune to crime because it happens so often. It also puts the city that we call home in a state of shame. We as students at the University of Memphis, and on a greater scale, the citizens of Memphis can not and should not continue to allow things like this to happen, especially at our school. I love this university and it should not be allowed to be sucked into the ugliness of the rest of this city. Instead, the city should rise up to our status -- a place of development and growth that provides opportunity for a better life. It should be a place where people can nurture their families and be comfortable knowing that they are safe.

If you get offended by this, you probably should because it's more likely than not directed towards you

Ok. i just got out of one of the worst classes I've been in in a long time. I have never been around such rude and insensitive people at one time. How dare you say you do not care that an actual person that goes to YOUR school got shot and killed. You don't have to know him. He was a person. A GOOD person. Contrary to what you may believe, he wasn't one of those people who got what he deserved. He wasn't a "thug" or "gangster". He was an educated young man who was striving for a better life JUST LIKE YOU. As a matter of fact, he may have been BETTER than you because he actually cared about people. He was involved in church groups, his fraternity Kappa Alpha Psi Inc., and he was a hard working student athlete.( And NO he wasn't from Orange Mound) A couple days before he died, he made a $40 dollar donation to a student organization here on YOUR campus to get his car washed. Have you ever paid $40 dollars to get your car washed? You dont even have to answer. HELL NO! So do not sit up here and say that that shit doesnt matter because it does. And if you think it doesnt, you need to check yourself. Because this shit is REAL. Let it be someone close to YOUR heart (if you can find one) and see how you react. I think you would care just a little. imagine one of YOUR friends being shot and killed. How do you feel? Imagine how his parents felt having to drive from Nashville to Memphis knowing their son has been killed in this fucked up city. To the guys, since you're so damn manly that you dont have feelings or emotions, do you think you are "manly" enough to be strong for your wife and deal with your son's death, and make a 3 hour drive at the same time? I kow I probably would have ended up in a ditch just trying to get here. Don't make dumb ass comments like that. Honestly that was the dumbest shit i ever heard. Some people really made themselves look like idiots. If you think I'm talking to you, you're probably right. And quite frankly, at this point I really dont care. Because the same thing could happen to you one day.Then you'll see. And PLEASE don't sit up there and think that it couldnt. Because you never know. Just like he didn't. And it doesnt have to be someone targeting you. Ever heard of crossfire? Ever heard of innocent people getting hit? You go to this school just like he did. He didn't know when his last day was. And you don't either. This should teach you to appreciate your own life! And the people in it. It never seems as real until it happens close to you. Don't say it doesn't matter. If it was your friend, would it matter then? Hell yeah. And if it doesn't, you dont need any fucking friends. You need to be a hermit, sit in your dorm room, dont go outside for fear of getting shot, and rot your life away. I dont think yall understand how many chairs I wanted to throw at people today. But I decided to shut up. I get mad when I have to argue stupidity. I probably would have cussed somebody out and walking out of class. But for future references, think about what you say before you say it. Because that mess was stupid. I don't care how you may try to defend it or cover it up, in the end, I'm still going to think it was dumb. Bottom Line.

"The Walk" Essay

As I walk, for some reason I find myself stopping around the scent of coffee. For some reason, it makes me...comfortable. I look outside, and i see a dark, gloomy world. Yet, I'm inside in my bright, warm environment.

I can compare this to where I am in my lfe right now. I am in my warm comfort zone. I am pursuing my education, having the time of my life. I realize realize everyday how much I have to be thankful for. My friends, family, and new experiences are what keep me content. Sitting here reminds me of the times I spent with my friends before we all went our seperate ways. I miss them, but I am happy to know they are doing well.

Outside of where I am right now, is the real world. A dark, shadowy place I am glad i'm not in right now. If I wsn't in school, that's where I would feel like I would be. Not knowing what to do or where to go. I am enjoying my college life.

My process for writing

When I first began writing my paper, I thought It was going to be a tought thing to do. For some reason, i did not know exactly how many pages 2000 were going to be, so i just wrote 3. I did word count and realized i had written HALF a paper! So I had to add 3 pages. Instead of adding 3 more pages to the end of my paper, I decided to add more informatiion INTO it. Thats when it got interesting. I was able to elaborate more on my thoughts and in the process, able to discover how deeply i felt about the issue. Thats when I began discovering things about myself.

As a writer I was able to get more comfortable with exppressing my feelings and thoughts on paper. The assignment was to DIG DEEP in the paper and discover the meaning, not just the actual essay alone. I enjoyed this aspect of the assignment. I also loved how we were told to put ourselves in the essay. It made it more comfortable and actually made the essay more enjoyable to write. I was not restricted as in the past from stating my personal opinions, beliefs, and feelings on the subject. I really enjoy this tyle of writing better than the expected "norm".

Aa a reader, I know that this assignment enhanced my abiltiy to analyze writing better and allowed me to see that authors just dont write to be writing. They write to express feelings and to prove a point. Their works always have a message, and if one would only actually take the time to READ them, instead of just looking at the words, one would get a better understanding of the actual message. I took the points that meant the most to me and elaborated on them. regardless of who felt I went off subject, i really felt i was right on point. I wrote about what I got out of the essay, So I felt i fulfilled the assignment. i would not change anything I wrote about it. I feel like everyone takes out certain things when they read, so that is what I got out of it. I really enjoyed reading the essay and it really meant a lot to me to be able to write my fersonal feelings about it. THANKS WENDY!

As a person, I felt good about myself writing this. It reminds me of what Wendy said in the very first class. I DO have a voice. i enjoyed using that voice on paper and writing how I felt. Students are not given that opportunity iften and I really appreciated that.

A far as what i would do differently next time...realize 2000 words isn't 3 pages!!!